new memories

so i’ve heard that they will come to you in your dreams when you are ready. as of late November, i’ve had three, each time waking up crying. they’re simple dreams but they seem to last for the whole night. never thought i could create more memories with you Dad, but with dreams i can.

my very first dream came after an emotionally draining argument with Zulu. the timing couldn’t have been any more perfect. i was questioning everything, and Dad just decided to show up. it was a sunny day and my best friend and i were going hiking. we were just closing up the car when we see my Dad happily walking down from the trail we were just about to start. he waved to us with his big smile and got into his car. i was shocked and kept asking Kathrina, was that my dad?! he looked happy, and i had a feeling then that he was no longer in pain.

second dream. my sister and i were eating pho (one of my Dad’s favorite dishes) and my Dad walks into the restaurant wearing his favorite leather jacket. i give him a big hug and ask him, where have you been?! he looks at me with his “don’t worry” smile and says, i will always be with you. he then turns to leave the restaurant, not looking back.

third dream. although it’s the most recent one, the details are a blur. i’ve been under the spell of sickness and jet lag. but also, this one didn’t really stand out to me. i don’t remember where or who i was with but i see my dad walking around. i tell someone and i approach him saying, Dad! he’s surprised as if he doesn’t know me, but he smiles anyways and plays along with my conversation.

i could interpret these dreams for days and spill all these emotions that come with them, but i want to leave them as it is – a happy memory.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s